Do all parents need a coach?

The challenge is crazy, the suspense unsustainable. Will you read this survey without being interrupted thirty times by your delicious offspring? Since we are between us, let's be honest: you imagined that it would also be ... say ... destabilizing to be a parent? Fortunately, to help us, conferences, internships, speech groups, books, blogs, forums, Facebook groups, etc. are flourishing. With one single credo: education is learned and must be "benevolent". Fashion effect or necessity?

Cécile Guéret

Open to all, reserved for mothers, fathers, parenting couples (together or separated), parent-child duos, stepfamilies, homoparental parents, single parents, grandparents (! ), punctually or over several months, workshops and workshops exist for all audiences, throughout France and all rates. For example, the School of Parents and Educators (EPE) in Moselle offers "a" parents' café "without meeting, to discuss with peers, evenings of conferences and themed discussions, workshops spread over several evenings; and individual consultations with a psychologist or marriage and family counselor (starting from two euros), all of which are gateways that allow everyone to find the time and format that suits them, regardless of their needs and their income. says Bernadette Macé, the manager, because in all social circles, parents try to do better. And, above all, to do otherwise, not to repeat the same "mistakes" as theirs.

"Parents have never been so concerned about protecting and educating their children," confirms Marcel Sanguet 1 , a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, "It's a great thing, but at the same time it has never been so difficult to be a parent. " As everything would be played before 6 years, before the march, or even before birth, and it would never be too late to do well, each stage of their development raises issues and existential questions. With, in addition, this idea came from personal development that "we would all have a buried potential that would be sufficient to release to achieve self-fulfillment, self-realization," he adds. Potential that we hope to let spring in our children. Or, at least, do not over-constrain.

The success of parenting personal development books attests to the phenomenon. In the unstoppable I raise my child of Laurence Pernoud are now added Effective Parents Thomas Gordon, Live happy with his child Catherine Gueguen, and other bibles for fathers and mothers wishing to do better. On Facebook, support groups abound, while experts multiply "webinars" (seminars via the Internet) and other "conferences" online or to receive by mail day after day.Examples: "Five secrets for your child to trust" (with a neurolinguistic programming practitioner on the Cool Parents Make Happy Kids Facebook page) or Isabelle Filliozat's online parenting program (more than fifteen hours of videos, bonuses, working papers, etc.).

A feeling of loneliness

"When I was working in a company, I took vocational training and now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, it's the same," laughs Gaëlle, 41, a Parisian mother of three. from 4 to 13 years old. Would parenting have become a full-fledged profession, requiring initial skills and continuing education, with the idea of ​​making a career, if not too rotten? "The family is seen as a small business to grow. liberal economic model: with optimization strategies, human resources to manage, planned intermediate objectives ", continues Marcel Sanguet. Have you noticed how the word "manage" (nights, anger, homework ...) has gained vocabulary in this area? In an unstable and anxious world, "it also reveals our need to reassure us by trying to control our fate a little bit".

Let's be clear: "to do otherwise" requires courage. Changing family patterns destabilize, provoke insecurity, and put you at odds. This is the experience of 35-year-old Julie from Lyon: "For my mother and for my father, education is dressage, their argument being:" You were raised like that, you do not. You are not dead! "Certainly, but I have a little more ambition for my 7 year old son than to keep him alive! And we must see in what state of anxiety we have survived! Even today, when I "Hear my father raise his voice, I'm scared in the belly, so, of course, they criticize me and make me doubt.It's hard, but it also forces me to take my place as parent." Lost among often conflicting opinions (grandparents, friends, pediatricians, teachers, media, psys ...), many people are also feeling, paradoxically, more and more alone.

A rewarding exchange

Of course, not all parents need to be coached. But all need to be supported. "A child must be seen from near and far: his little knee injury as the direction he takes in life, said Bernadette Macé.A couple, each one zooms in and out alternatively, on a daily basis, we can also benefit from the advice of friends who are more experienced or just more distant from the situation, and for some, the workshops are also used for this purpose, raising their children alone, in particular, isolates and complicates the educational task. " The advantage of workshops and forums: meet to share their difficulties, hear those of others and feel less lonely. To exchange on what worked for oneself, to find legitimacy by relying on the group, to encourage oneself.A collective intelligence that produces miracles: "It's wonderful how, together, we sometimes have bright ideas, fun Bernadette Macé.At the" coffee parents ", professionals are on par with fathers and mothers. do not transmit knowledge, we collectively seek a response adapted to the situation because all parents and all children are different Even in siblings, each does not awaken the same difficulties or skills in his parent. "

1 . Marcel Sanguet, author of

Pervers is not the one we believe (Eyrolles).

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