What Questions to ask to be sure of his desire for a child? None, replies Claude Halmos: "It would be to enact a general norm, good couple, good person, good time ..." The psychoanalyst however agreed to draw a general framework for our reflection.Violaine Gelly
Can I bring a child what he needs?
"There is no such thing as an ideal mother or father that can be described by ticking boxes - all that a child needs is a father and a mother who both have have the desire to have it, two parents who are ready in a common project.The rest is life, and for us to do with, whatever happens. "The bottom line for every human being is to be able to imagine to be the fruit of two desires.Our main root is to know from what desire we have come, even if it was fugitive, even if there was separation after, even if it is is manifested without the knowledge of this woman and this man.We are all nourished by this flame, even tenuous. "
Dream or project?
"A dream has no consistency, it comes into our imagination and has no direct relationship with reality.Reeting a child is thinking of him as we would think of a doll that We are going to dress, walk, imagine being a pregnant woman or a father at the end of school, of course, a project always starts from a dream, but a project leads us to face the reality. Do I really want to live this pregnancy,
childbirth, the education of a child, knowing that it is a commitment that will last all my life, every day, at least twenty first years? "
The good companion?
"Desiring a child in itself does not mean anything The important thing is to desire a child of a person you want, it is to desire the child that this person wishes to do with us The child is born from this double movement Is it this man - or this woman - with whom we really want to have this child, or are we forcing her hand? to have a child for me, to fill a gap, to be a parent, or do I really want to try the fantastic adventure with that person? "
Where does my fear come from?
"As with any unknown adventure, fear is a normal thing, but you have to balance things out with fears about our history, our fear of not being up to it, and the truth of our being A man or a woman have the right to say: "My truth is not to have children, it is to have a career, to save the world, in short to flourish in anything other ... "The first fears are discussed, the second statement no.It's everyone's freedom. "