- Written by Carol Heffernan
Ten years ago, Art and Lysa TerKeurst were about to divorce. Since then, their marriage has been transformed. How did their couple in crisis get back together? And what practical advice could they give to other couples facing marital difficulties?
"When I got married, I only thought about receiving, not giving," Lysa admitted, "in fact, Art and I had a very selfish conception of marriage."
Lysa soon realized that the after-effects of her past and the belief that Art was "dressing them up" was leading her to disaster. "I was hungry and thirsty for a husband who would totally satisfy me," she explains.
But that did not happen. It's impossible! The marriage of Art and Lysa quickly deteriorated, even if they gave the image of a beautiful couple.
How has their union been damaged by years of suffering, mistrust and disappointed hopes?
"We prayed together, it helped us a lot," Lysa recalls, "When we fight humanely, we can quickly start thinking of the other as his enemy, when it is wrong. we were just burdening each other without achieving anything constructive for our marriage. "
Lysa and Art noticed that after arguing, if they prayed together, they changed their perspective and rose a notch, which allowed them to discuss their problems without opposing.
What advice does Lysa give to couples in crisis? " Stop focusing on your spouse to turn to God. Put your pride aside and approach the Lord.
"Tell him: I have no power over this person, I tried everything in vain, I can not change it, but I can act on my heart, my actions, and my reactions. to reveal the areas of my heart that need to be put in order with you and to do your work in me, to rid me of my selfishness and help me to be the husband or wife you want me to be. "
Lysa began to observe a change when she focused on God and not on Art.
"To get back up, I had to let the Lord fill me and show me the importance I had in his eyes, I realized that no man could do it for me, not even my husband. , " she says.
Another pitfall of their relationship was their mutual expectations, of which they never spoke and which they did not satisfy. Lysa insists that they must be the subject of frank and honest conversations: "It is impossible to meet the expectations of the other if we do not know what it is."
One of the secrets of a couple is clear communication, and Lysa points out that the problems come from the different conceptions that most men and women have.
While men tend to compartmentalize subjects and treat them one by one, women find it difficult to discuss without being overwhelmed by their emotions. Lysa and Art have tried hard to be aware of these differences in order to prevent potential misunderstanding. What other areas can Lysa be problematic with?
Many women make the mistake of putting their children before their husbands. Children then have priority. "It's good for moms to love their children, but if they put their husbands aside, they're hurting their families," she says.
According to Lysa, God first instituted marriage, then children, and it is important to invest first and foremost in her relationship with her husband or wife, instead of basing her family on her children.
The most frequently mentioned enemy of weddings is the financial field, and Lysa believes that the mentality of the consumer society creates considerable stress in the home. Opting for simplicity and not living beyond his means preserves us from letting the debts destroy our relationship.
Lysa used her personal experience to help men and women better understand each other and to breathe new life into their marriage. To this end, she has written two books that offer their readers practical, simple and applicable advice in everyday life to revive the spark of romance.
Capture His Heart (Conquering the heart of your husband) explains how you can become the woman of God that your husband desires. "I wanted to help women scrutinize their husbands' hearts in order to understand them better, I teach them to honor the head of the family and to let him know that he is great."
Capture Her Heart (Conquering the heart of your wife) "It's the same: only desires differ," says Lysa, "A husband needs to better understand what makes his wife's heart capsize."
TerKeurst gives hope to married couples wherever they go.They demonstrate that God can restore broken relationships and reunite couples.
"Maybe your marriage is at a standstill," Lysa says, "maybe he's always been mediocre, but no matter what stage you're in. The important thing is that you put yourself in an eternal perspective. Do not give up, marriage is too precious for you to capitulate, brave the storm, hold on to the Lord, and remember that the essential is not the way you start, but the one you finish. "