I have so little confidence

I have so little confidence

I'm 45 years old. Coming from a large family, I grew up between a busy mother and a father who is often absent. I feel that I do not go to the end of my possibilities, I dare not assert myself, I have a negative image of me, the impression also that others do not know who I am. I feel a very big lack of confidence in me. I saw a psychiatrist who in my opinion never let me approach these topics, or when they were approached, did not take them into consideration. Time flies, I would like to give a new dimension to my life, but how? Fleurdaubepine, 45

Christophe André

Psychiatrist and psychotherapist

answers

Ah, this base of self-esteem! If it was not given to us during our childhood, what work then! Lack of presence, lack of confidence, self-restraint ... Nothing very serious, but the permanent risk of missing out on his life, only to survive in the gray, to "live under".

Fortunately, there are many possibilities to continue to evolve, even when you have become an adult. Perhaps you have gone around what your shrink could bring you, and maybe you have to turn to other methods? There are now many psychotherapies, aimed at improving self-esteem and self-esteem, particularly in the form of group therapies (which helps to realize how often these difficulties are).

There are also personal efforts: often, lack of self-esteem leads to a tendency to retreat and avoid many steps, meetings and activities.

Ask about these little renunciations, which end up unnoticed in our lives, as we are used to them. Talk to your family and friends too; ask them what they would advise you specifically, to help you get out of your registry of nice little gray mouse.

Finally, pay attention to your own perfectionism in terms of personal change: a good self-esteem does not pass than by improving our "performances" (do more things, see more people ...). It also requires working on what is called "self-acceptance": accepting oneself is not giving up to change oneself, but deciding to do so gently. Accept imperfect, and decide to be a little less, quietly, without aggression.

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