How to forget a girl met four years ago?

I'm 24 years old. At 20, I fell madly in love with a girl, then fate separated us. I can not forget it. I do not know if I'll see her again, but I'm waiting for her. I even left my girlfriend with whom I had to get married. What to do? Philippe, Couvin (Belgium)

Claude Halmos

Psychoanalyst

answers

What you tell me is very strange. Firstly, because you chained yourself to a love story that, apparently, did not have much of a reality, since it seems to have been limited to a few encounters. And this, to the point of sacrificing the reality of your own life. And then because the attitude of the girl that you "like" seems problematic. You meet her indeed at your place of work. She shows you interest. You see her sometimes outside. And you are, you say, both very happy. Then, one day, she leaves. Claiming that her parents are too harsh to give her her phone number. That does not seem a little weird?

We are no longer in the Middle Ages or dungeon time. Even the best-kept girls have friends who can serve as relays. Why did you believe it so blindly? I can not answer for you. But only to tell you that it seems to me that everything happens as if you had entered - through this relationship that you have idealized - in a dream. Which? What can he evoke? Is it yours? Or would he have already lived in your father or mother? I do not know. But I know that dreams - which are so precious to us - can also, if they invade reality, prevent us from living.

Your beautiful looks like those beings seen one evening, through the window of a train, that we do not know and that we will never see again. But that one can love one's whole life. Because we hooked on them all the fantasies of which we were, without knowing it, carrier. This story should be put back in its place: in the imaginary. Do it - why not? - a song or a poem. And go back to your life. Where young girls - very real - are ready to give you their phone number and their love. And perhaps you will discover then that the "real life" too, the marvelous can arise.

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