Sex: well live the crossing of desire

Burning like the sand of Ténéré, desire can become just as arid. At the dock: the passing of time, the everyday wear. But not only. These highs and lows are also indicative of our society in doubt.

Flavia Mazelin Salvi

Reviving one's sexuality, questioning or accepting one's absence, recognizing one's seasons ... The recurrence of these themes in the media speaks eloquently about our expectations and our fears. Over time, and thanks to the pedagogical obstinacy of the professionals of the relationship, we have finally accepted that the desire, intense at the beginning of the relationship, to experience absences or weaknesses, that these ebbs and flows make part of its dynamic.

We also know that everyday life and its cohort of constraints and habits are not the best friends of eroticism. Or that men and women do not want the same way. But what we do know less is that when desire deserts women, it is not only due to wear and tear, it is also, and perhaps most importantly, due to conditioning. media, which gives sexuality and their desire a distorted vision. "We are bombarded with stereotypical erotic images that format the erotic imagination and make sex a narcissistic and individualistic staging place, denounces Sylvain Mimoun, gynecologist and andrologist, specializing in sexual disorders.Therefore, we wonder more about our individual "physical" and technical "skills" than about how to produce desire and pleasure in two. "

A sexual ideal too much high

Stages of bodies according to aesthetic criteria inaccessible to most of us, figures of an erotic gymnastics inspired by pornography ... The sexual relation is now representative entered as a space where all imperfection and all hazards are totally banished. "Explosive orgasm is a right, erotic know-how a duty, women have joined men in their desire for performance and in the anxiety of results that it triggers. Consequence: the pressure is enormous ", says the specialist, who does not hesitate to speak of" sick desire of the ego ".

The pleasure, a due? It is in any case what thought, in December 2011, the Aix-en-Provence Court of Appeals, which sentenced a man to pay his wife ten thousand euros on the ground that "he had deprived her of all sexual relations for several years." To base her decision , the magistrates relied on article 1382 of the civil code, stipulating that any person who causes another damage must repair it!

My right to pleasure, my right to desire: the psychiatrist and neuropsychologist Jean-Paul Mialet, author of Sex áquo, the misunderstanding of the sexes (Albin Michel, 2011), sees in this new paradigm " a crisis of reality. "" Desire has become a sort of abstract Grail, mythified and detached from reality, "he observes," it is as if desire and pleasure were not the fruit of this organism. living and constantly evolving is the intimate relationship, a relationship making a unique link from two unique imaginaries.To recover in the desire, we must understand that we do not desire in the absolute, alone in his corner, but with and through the other. "

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