My husband left me after 30 years of marriage.

My husband left me after 30 years of marriage. We were a very united couple, we had common tastes, but it is a very insecure man and since 3 years we had many hardships (death, unemployment, debts, etc). He could no longer endure this situation. I think that the death of her mother is a very important element because their relationship was very strong and even though she was 90 years old, he thought she would never die.

He was not very communicative and in the last years, it got worse. When he told me he wanted to divorce, I did not come back. I did not see anything coming. For me no matter what happens, there is always a solution, something to do to be happy. He was very nervous and started to see one of our friends for massages. Today, it is with her that he goes out, he was probably looking for a mother or an escape, I do not know anymore. The worst thing is that he decided to leave, he was the one who was unfaithful, it was him who caused me problems and he made me a lot of crises whereas it was finished. Example: he told me he had to hide to go out and it was not funny.

He changed the locks in the house before we moved out, lest I leave with everything when I told him we would do this amicably. It's me who should shout at it, but it's funny it's the opposite, I do not understand. He asked me to give him his family photos but especially not those where I am on it. He told me "Take it as a 30-year contract that ends." In the end, he had trouble making love and when he started going out, he told me it was going on. Why tell me these hurtful things to me?

I am rejected and I have to heal myself but it is difficult because 30 years are not forgotten in this way. We had good times. Where is the man who had all his little attentions and who loved me? I think I loved him too much, I let myself be morally destroyed. He told me I was too tolerant so today I think he was mean to make the decision to leave, but I did not do it. I went to see a psychologist who helped me a lot to understand some things but it's difficult because I thought my marriage would always last. When I saw that he was not good, I said to him "We'll do things together, read books to make you less nervous", I put little love messages in his lunch box or on his pillow . But he told me that it's been four years since he thought of leaving me. He never told me about that. I thought our crises came from the difficulties we were going through.He never tried to revive the flame.

I know that all of this is very complicated to understand. I'm getting better and now I'm alone for 4 months. Maybe I'm trying to understand the inexplicable, I do not know anymore. Since he left me, every day I write a newspaper as if I spoke to him, it did me a lot of good, but it sure will not change anything: he wants his freedom. How can one live with someone 30 years and do nothing, where are the values? I thank you because writing has done me good. But I am lucky because I have many friends who listened to me without judging and who helped me.

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