How to get out of this one-way relationship by keeping my dignity?

How to get out of this one-way relationship by keeping my dignity?

He considers me his best friend but I have been in love with him since I met him a year ago. I even tried to kiss him, but he pushed me away. However, we are like a couple but without sex: we see each other very often and our entourage wonders why nothing is happening. There is a certain intimacy between us that I find insulting finally, since it denies my sexual dimension. I wish I could say, "I love you so we do not see each other anymore" but I feel helpless. He maintains my desire by blowing on the fire, (he calls me my love). He even offered me a week vacation, but I evaded the question, without being able to tell him that it was impossible given our wobbly situation. I know very well that he will not touch me, he has already hit another. My question is how to get out of there by keeping my dignity (already well scratched)? Peggy, 33

Catherine Marchi

Clinical Psychologist


To form a couple, you have to be two. Now, in this case, you seem to be the only one to desire it. Your friend offers to share a friendship, he rejects your overtly sexual approaches and sticks to an affectionate complicity.

To read you, he seems to be ambiguous in his feelings for you. Ask him why he calls you "my love" while pretending to be your friend. Maybe he's just shy and inhibited? Maybe he has a sexual block, a physiological problem, complexes? Perhaps you are dealing with a phobic of commitment? Or just a Don Juan?

The question is not so much whether you are dealing with a man who has fun creating a desire that he will not quench. The question is this: why do you strive to obtain the desire of a man who clearly has no desire for you? You speak of humiliation, you affirm that it denies your femininity, your sexuality, your love passion ... Why do you stay with him?

Ask yourself about your deep motivations. Try to discover what attracts you in this "wobbly" situation as you say ... We do not choose by chance, him as you find a "personal interest" to play this comedy in love. It's up to you to find which one ...


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