What is good or bad for our children .

What is good or bad for our children ...

All parents have many questions about the education of their children. From breastfeeding to nursery, what can we do or not do?

Catherine Bergeret-Amselek



For Catherine Bergeret-Amselek , psychoanalyst, the major stages of psycho-emotional development of the child are between birth and six years. Years hinge so, which often worry parents concerned to do well.

1) Is it serious to argue with your children? Can this be traumatic for their subsequent emotional life?

It all depends on the intensity, frequency, and context of the conflicts. If you and your companion love you very much, and your child feels it, and that, he perceives it, it can be constructive for him, provided that he knows that it is not his fault, to notice that when we love each other, we do not always agree. It is important that he knows that one can get angry very hard, without a relationship of love breaking.

On the other hand, when a child is immersed in the small music of disharmonious family dynamics, when he is witnessing violent scenes, broken pots, and caught between the shots of his two parents, that can indeed, being too strong to contain for him. Also, we, the parents, must have the elegance to wait for the extinction of the fires of 21:00 to empty our bags. This requires us to master to postpone these settlements.

2) Some women breastfeed their children until they are two or three years old. Is this a good thing?

I believe that each mother must according to her story with this child, and not with another, find the right emotional match. That said, after a year, I find that continuing breastfeeding will not facilitate separation for the child and his mother. On the other hand, if the context allows, I am fully breastfeeding for 6 months to a year. Because it is in the basic security that are woven in these first months that the child will find the strength to face the successive separations.

3) Should spanking be prohibited? A slap on the buttocks, a slap is a serious gesture?

Any parent at any given time, cracks at a stupidity committed by his child. From 2 1/2 years, 3 years, when it disobeys and puts itself in danger, a spanking administered maintaining its inner calm and control, is cadient and limiting, provided not to be followed immediately a big hug. It's never nice to have to spank your child. If possible, it is better to find the limiting tone to avoid it, everything is in the art of knowing how to say no.If the child feels a firm non, the spanking becomes useless. On the other hand, I am against the slaps that destructured a child.

4) In the USA, a movement is taking shape, encouraging parents to let their children sleep with them from birth until they have the desire to have their own bed. Is this really good for the child?

In truth, I think that right out of the maternity ward, the place of a baby is in bed, and if the context allows, in his room. It seems important to me not to confuse places and to preserve one's life as a couple to be good parents. That said, it is not because a mother gives the breast in her bed and goes to sleep with her baby exceptionally that she must feel guilty.

5) What is the best age to enter a nursery?

There is no better age to enter the nursery. As long as you can keep your child, if your work situation allows you, the best care mode is you. For the first year of life, a child needs a constant, secure environment and a stable maternal figure. If you can not help but entrust your child to the nursery, I think that this separation should not be made to coincide with a big change in your life (moving, change of work ...). The important thing is that you feel ready to leave your child and trust the place. An emotionally secure child by both parents often separates easily, and plays very quickly with others, even very early.


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