How to help my mother alcoholic mother?
Since I was born, I have to fight my mother's alcoholism. I managed to get her out of the bigger one, but my fear remains because she tends to drink excessively now. I do not know how to live my life without taking care of his own and finally feel free. I need help. Jérémy, 18 years old
Psychiatrist and psychotherapist
Living with an alcoholic can become a real nightmare where you lock yourself in one other in a situation without a way out. The risk is to develop a syndrome of "co-dependence", a mode of behavior that one adopts over time, without even giving an account, and which leads to regulate one's life only according to the alcoholic person . One becomes "dependent" on the person, who is himself dependent on alcohol (hence the term "co-dependence"). We no longer manage to exist for ourselves, nor to bring about a legitimate happiness. We live in the guilt of never doing "enough", always in fear of failing or not being well enough.
Jeremy, it is therefore essential that you learn to take care of yourself. I propose three tracks:
- The first is to explore what is truly "co-dependence". We can only fight what we know. I propose two books (but there are others) that were written by a person who lived the co-dependence: "Beyond the co-dependence" and "Overcoming the co-dependence" of Beattie Melody
- Second track: contact "Al-anon" ( // perso.wanadoo.en), a branch of "Alcoholics Anonymous", which aims to help relatives of alcoholics. There is also a section for teens "Alateen" with specific support groups for young people!
- Finally, it may be useful to consult a psychiatrist (who should be familiar with the problems related to alcohol - ask for contact information from Alcoholics Anonymous) to help you in your approach to your mother.
It is essential that you do not stay alone. No one is unhurt from such a life situation. Put all the odds on your side and get accompanied: it will be very beneficial for you and know that it will be ALSO beneficial for your mother. Good luck!
Christophe Fauré is a psychiatrist and psychotherapist