What to deal with the masturbatory frenzy of our son?
We found that our 16 year old son was masturbating. Then, we discovered that he was viewing pornographic sites via the Internet. There, we have just discovered that his Internet consultations were limited almost exclusively to these particularly "hard" sites. It seems to me that there is a frenzy there, like a drug, a growing need. We had spoken with him about the two previous stages of his sexual approach, serenely, in perfect exchange. Faced with the current frenzy, we feel a little helpless ... advice? (Francis, 41 years old)
Sexologist and andrologist
First of all, you discovered that your son was masturbating. This is a perfectly normal activity, knowing that 95% of boys practice masturbation during adolescence. The only thing to say is that almost everyone does it, but in public, it's forbidden! And do not put a weight of guilt on it or say it's dirty.
In adolescence always, it is perfectly natural to be very interested, very curious about sexuality, because if you have impulses, we can not yet act. As everyone feels that this is an important part of life, he looks for information where he can. A few years ago, boys were mostly reading erotic magazines with pictures of naked women. It was a good thing, because the pictures, or the drawings are a support that allows the imagination to work, to dream, to fantasize.
In movies, it's different. The place of dreams is very limited, and instead of feeding the imagination, it is likely to impoverish it. In addition, pornography, more and more hard presents a significant danger. That of giving a boy a totally erroneous image of women, and a vision of sexuality in which the man is brutal, and the woman completely subject to the desire of the other. It's the opposite of sexuality blossomed in love. You are right to talk about it! To tell him that pornography has nothing to do with real life, with real sexuality.
Also think about offering books on sexuality, including adult books, healthy books. Indeed, sexual curiosity is all the stronger as sexual information is summary. The more a teenager feels that things are being hid from him, the more he can go far in seeking information and feelings.
I do not think that prohibiting is, at his age, an applicable solution. You can of course do it, but he will find, if he really wants it, the means to consult the internet without you knowing it.So, nothing would be better than considering him already in responsible adult, to tell him that he is already preparing his future love life, love life that you wish him happy and fulfilled. And that's why you give him your opinion.