Ready to make love, but .

Ready to make love, but ...

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we love each other very much. But I can not make love. I feel ready, we do a lot of preliminaries, I know my body a little, I totally trust him. But I never feel any excitement unless I watch porn movies. In addition, I think to block the penetration ... Elfee, 17

Gonzague de Larocque

Sexologist

responds

The lack of excitement and blocking penetration have a common point : the faculty to let go. Indeed we are not a pure spirit on one side and a pure body on the other. The body and the mind are interrelated and one plays on the other. Physiologically, the excitement corresponds in the woman by a vaginal lubrication and the penetration, to a relaxation of the muscles of the small pelvis. For all that, to obtain these physiological modifications, the mind must be in equation with the body. This is what seems to happen when you use a source of excitement via pornographic movies.

The causes of this body - mind inadequacy are manifold. Admittedly, sexual trauma suffered in childhood can be one of these causes, but they are far from being the most frequent. For example, pain in the first report can lead to this kind of spiral. The representations we have of sexuality can also affect the ability to let go. Your difficulties can therefore have two origins: either a vaginismus, that is to say a reflex contraction of the muscles of the vagina related to an even unconscious anxiety, or so, are you simply not yet really ready to live this report.

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