Why can not I help my tyrannical daughter?

Why can not I help my tyrannical daughter?

My eldest 11-year-old is a bully. She searches everyone's belongings and steals a lot of money even though the house has become a prison where everything is locked because she is cunning. As she was also enuretic, I took her to a psych ward, but they found nothing. What has happened in our history to get us here? How to get out of this spiral? (Raymonde, Angers)

Claude Halmos

Psychoanalyst

answers

I will not tell you anything by telling you that the situation you are describing is serious. I am surprised that the center "psy" you speak to me has "nothing found" and I am even more surprised that, in response to such an answer, you did not go elsewhere. I think it would be time to do it. What you tell me about your daughter is like what you hear about 3-year-olds who are not limited. They remain under the influence of their impulses and behave as if they were the masters of the world: they take what tempts them, strike and scream if one opposes them.

But obviously, in your case the problem is more serious because your daughter is 11 years old. She behaves, at the age of prepuberty, in a totally infantile way and uses her intelligence only in a perverse way: to circumvent rules and laws. She is in danger. What happened? Why were not the limits laid by you or by his father (of which you do not speak to me)? What are your respective stories? Has your daughter been influenced by other adults who have (consciously or unconsciously) encouraged her in her transgressions? (We often find, in this connection, the role played by grandparents, nannies, etc.)

It should also be asked what your daughter's actions are about, because children who transgress massively often do so to put in scene the transgressions of which they were themselves victims. (We can, moreover, in this respect, wonder about its enuresis: why a symptom that affects sex?) I believe that it is necessary that your daughter consults as soon as possible a specialist because his acts testify to the evidence of great suffering.

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