The life of two is to more and more idealized. And more and more fragile. Between the fear of losing oneself and the desire for perfection, what can one expect from love, from the couple, and what to renounce? State of play
Around us, happy couples are not plethora. Everyone dreams of living great love. Few seem to succeed.
Marine, 37 years old: "Happiness for two, I always have the impression that it's for others, I meet men, each time it starts off strongly, then the life of two chokes me. do not know how do those who do it happen. " Christine, 46 years old: "I've been married for twelve years, I'm attached to our family, but our love life has run out of steam I want to feel my heart beat, to have desire I do not know how to find that with my husband, so I'm dreaming of underground adventures. " Pierre, 43: "At the time of our parents, the couple as a social model was not discussed.Today, the world has changed.It is no longer trust institutions .. How could we still trust to the couple? "
The cult of personal fulfillment
In his work, Solo, no solo, what future for the couple (PUF), the psychoanalyst Fabienne Kraemer examines this new crisis: "In a culture that values individual fulfillment, the status of single would seem almost more enviable."
In "solos" the freedom, the possibility of real fulfillment, without being hindered by the shackles of marriage. And she grieves: "The bachelors only think about finding the soul mate while claiming to savor their loneliness.The difficulties with their guys become the main theme of the evenings between girlfriends.The men flee in work or games video ... Few are those who assume the importance of the couple for their balance and give themselves the right to proclaim their love loud and clear, as if believing in love was a proof of naivety. "
The fear of Commitment
Today, meeting someone is not really a problem anymore. The specialized sites manage to break the isolation. "But, after the first dinner, the first night together, it is difficult to take the next steps.Each stay in a cautious position, for fear of racing too quickly. remains indefinitely in a trial period and it fades everything, "notes Pierre." The very idea of commitment scares me, recognizes Marine.I feel as if I had to abdicate myself.I wonder if women of my generation can still accommodate a lifestyle that has locked up their mothers and grandmothers."
Cahin-caha, couples are formed despite everything but struggle to free themselves from the reign of fear Fear of making the wrong choice, having to give up their freedom Fear, especially, that love lasts not." So we do not try to get carried away by a meeting, says Fabienne Kraemer. We try to suffer as little as possible. And we do not take the risks necessary to live beautiful stories. "