First session: I find myself null

When are you going to see it, how is it going?

I go there for one day, a Saturday or a Sunday. In fact, I stay in my room and go out only for meals. I do not appreciate his wife either, with whom I do not speak, except to say "hello, good evening" and answer him when she asks me a question.

But then, why are you going?

I am obliged, otherwise he would get angry.

So what? Since you do not live with him ...

He would cut me off.

Ah, okay. Basically, you must visit him once a month to help you financially.

[laughter] That's it.

All of this does not really comfort you in life ... You do not feel really supported ...

Finally, I was relieved that he was going away. I was only waiting for that. When he was there, I was always afraid at night when he came home. In my bed, I heard arguments with my mother. She was not well, she cried all the time, did not eat anymore.

The relationship with your father still seems very difficult ... And your friend, can not he manage to give you more confidence in you?

No, and that's exactly what's bothering him. He feels a little useless. I think he's getting tired of it ...

But when he comes to see you, he finds you interested, does not he?

Yes, of course, but ... that's not enough.

Basically, you would like to be recognized in a quality that would be yours.

There.

And you have not yet found that quality that is in you. This ability to write that you have, everyone does not have it yet. Have you already shown what you are writing?

My father secretly read a novel I wrote when I was 14 years old.

Oh good? It was not meant for him. What did he say ??

He said it was good ... But it was a kid thing ...

Tell me a little bit about what you are writing.

[Long silence.] I do not know what to say ... It does not come to me ... In fact, I write to evacuate. It's not always very happy ...

Do you manage to project yourself into the future? To imagine you married, mother of four children, with a prestigious profession ...

No. Already, I do not want to marry or have children.

Oh good. Do you tend to imagine the life you would like to have?

Yes.

What are you talking about?

I imagine that I am a cultured writer or actress ...

Are you more in the imagination than in action?

Perhaps. Because when I come back to reality, I'm never satisfied.

Is it this gap between your realities and your dreams that saddens you?

Yes. [Crying.]

What had you imagined to tell me else?

I do not know ... I dreaded, especially.

Do your parents realize that you are not happy?

No, I hide it, it does not show.

You really want your father, though ...

Yes.

The danger for you is to lock yourself in this tenacious grudge, thinking that if your father had been otherwise, today, you would probably be a star of journalism or literature ... [She laughs] It's annoying, because it locks you in the past. You know, the hardest thing for everyone is to give up what you did not have. In my opinion, that's what you should be working on, because you're not going to spend your life crying your dad. Too bad for him. Also, if you go into therapy, it would be with that goal. "

Three weeks later

Josephine: " I felt a little relieved after the session, but nothing more. In fact, I was intimidated by Dr. Neuburger and could not tell him everything I wanted to tell. Of course, he lit up my problem even though I already knew where he was coming from. In the end, it did not help me so much. He gave me the details of another psychiatrist, but I have not yet made the move. I'm thinking about it. I'll see later. "

Robert Neuburger: " Some encounters are problematic, because it creates an almost immediate collusion fantasy. In this case, because of my age and my sex, Josephine put me in the category of the father figure. From then on, the exchange became difficult, especially since Josephine's difficult past with her own father seems to have paradoxical effects: on the one hand, the fact of having had an insufficient father led to the development of her a distrust of any figure experienced as paternal. On the other hand, and in a more subtle way, by disqualifying those who could take a place of paternal substitute, she leaves this insufficient father every chance to rehabilitate himself. As I was able to communicate it to Josephine, it is indeed diffi cult to give up what we never had! "

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